Resignation Accepted

Papa won a mini-dgi-cam and above are the results. You wouldn't trust it coz it just looks like a plastic key chain toy. Hahahah Anyways, okay ra man pud siya, dba?

And yeah.. the boss accepted my reignation already but as long as there would be someone who could fill-in my position that meets his unstandardized standard.

Pop! And there comes the monster!

I had the longest jeepney ride in my life. I had the longest days and nights in my life. And do you know that feeling of walking around while getting stabbed with that sharp blade still plunge into your heart and you want to slowly pull it out... and then there is pain.

Pain. Rejection. Tears. Alone. Headache. As if you were a dry leaf crumpled by a sole you thought would protect you. I hate it when I have to gather broken pieces and somehow manage to put it back together. Glued. Taped. But nothing could make it new again. The broken lines are aleady there. Forever.

I don't think I am walking with a head today. As if I'm inside this big bubble, floating, floating and floating... in its most vulnerable state. Anytime I could blow-up. Disintegrate and vanish together with the earth's vapor.

My eyes hurts. I tried not to waste any tears coz it's a sign of weakness. But it just naturally comes out no matter how I tried to hold it back. Blame gravity.

Letting go is a hard process especially when when you still hold on to it. It's to early and I know it won't happen overnight. I've been through this before and I know that this time I could go through it again. It's back with me and myself again. No more lively stories to tell. No more crisp laughters. No more Yotchie. No more house visits. No more monster stories. No more short walks. No more siomai. No more Manang's. No more phone calls. No more letters. No more 21 B's to hail. No more sleeping in the jeepney. No more animes. No more movie stories. No more wrestlings. No more strong hands to keep me from loosing balance. No more adventures. Everything that I used to do just suddenly stops. But the world does not stop. It still rotates and revolves. People still attend to their normal lives. Jash still as lively as can be. Jenel in her teaching career. My classmates in their jobs. And me? I should also not stop. I need to be in motion.

785 days and that's it. I have to erase the marks i placed on days with the number 24 in my planner. No more things to plan. No more 24's to look forward. Well, maybe I was just too excited placing a mark on the 24th day of the 12th month of 2007 with "3rd". Without a warning, I just need to let my fingers work through the pages and scratch them away.

I have to smile. Practice each day to smile. Somehow sing to old tunes I've learned to hum alone. Hunt for friends. Get to know old friends so that I won't be alone when I stroll SM and Ayala. Hah! Guess that I haven't go out with friends a long time now. I was with this IT. All my time I invested on IT. But look at now, I gained nothing but pain.

But beyond all this, I was still thankful that God made me see different things. Everything happens for a reason and for whatever reason it is, i'm sure it's good. I am thankful for friends who knew what I needed most. Salamat sa mga txt messages, sa miss calls ug bisan wla man magparamdam kay I know naki-symphatize. No one is at fault in here. Things just happen.

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At least I acted normal today, I finished my lunch, tried to exhcange jokes with my lunch mates, I was still able to take my mid-day nap, and here I am back again to work... rotten.

I was still able to answer and transfer calls, talked with the boss, filled my table with papers, fetch boxes for the boss things, converse with my officemates. But I felt lonely. Lyn saw it through without telling her that I am indeed lonely. Hah! I think i need a vacation A very long one. I just want to read, sleep and read anything that I could read. Uh.. or maybe I just need someone to talk to. But there is no someone. No more someone who treats me as another someone.

I could go through the day. A few hours more and I'd be going home. And I don't like it. When I'm home I feel like I'm expecting him to come but I know that he won't come. He would not come again. And there is a monster somewhere waiting for me. But this time no one's gonna keep it away.

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I don't need to hurry anymore to get out of the office. He won't be calling me here in the office. So I don't have any reason why I should go home on time. Sigh! Happy thoughts! Think of happy thoughts! The sky's gonna be blue tomorrow!

Breaking The Barriers

I have posted so much grief and anger in this page and I know it's not healthy for me. I need to be positive and try to be happy as I could, be near with happy people so that I could absorb their happy radiation. Oh, here are some photos duting our seminar "Breaking The Barriers" at Holy Family Retreat House. More photos from Rea later I guess since she has uploaded only a few...

Sexy nga Tiki sa Tambok na Opaw sa Macho nga bUngi.

It's a moment worth freezing coz I could not see those faces grinning that big here in the office. Well, except perhaps with Eme & Gloria who are naturally smiling-looking folks, the rest has a mark on thieir face (including me) that says , "it's better that we get outta here".

L u c i L L e

I woke up today 5 minutes earlier than my alarm clock’s set time. Jash once again greeted me with questions. And this time he asked,

“Naa na anak si Johnna?”
I sad yes (Jash overheard me telling Lucille that my dear classmate and friend is soon to become a mother and this was the question that kicked me up this morning. Grabee gyud nig hearing senses and memory retention si Jash oi).

“Si Lindsey?”
I said yes.

“Asa naman si Lucille?”
I said, “Ni-uli na sa ilang balay.”

Last night, Lucille (my high school classmate and my pass-mate when we took the UPCAT) went to our house. It was the first time that we saw each other for the year 2007. And the reason why he went to our h0use was n0t really to see me but because of the osl donuts. Hahahaha Or maybe it was just a way for us to see each other again. Based on previous experiences, Lucille sometimes makes alibis not to be there on your agreed time. I already anticipated that. But then again, she came with her so loud voice, a bit thinner body this time, and ice cream! Waahhhh! Thanks Lucille for the added calories! And guess what... she let me borrow to of Bob Ong's books! Whew! Can't take it off my eyes! The one I'm trying to read right now despite the deadline of cleaning the boss' office is, " A B N K K B S N P L A K o?!".

Hmmm and she even bring along Meg Ryan's pirated 8 in 1 DVD. Hopefully lang kay musalida siya sa among DVD, hehehehe.

First Act

Why there are people who like to complicate things? Argh! Swear! Unsa man feeling ana niya nga salig siya nga boss siya naa na siya rights to demand anything he wants. Doesn’t he know what reality is? Or is he living in a reality full of dreams?

I was so happy that I finally talked with the boss last night regarding my resignation and his first question was: "What's the problem?"

LOL. See how insensetive he is? I was so tempted to tell him that he is the problem but instead I said that I'm gonna take refresher courses the whole months of APril and May to prepare for my studies in June. A simple as that. The rest of his words were all fallacies. It tickles me to hear him say that "it was a very rare oppurtunity" for me to be a part of this company and that I may never found another job as what I have now. Oh please! Have some respect for your self!

"Jack, I'm giving you enough time to think". LOL. This time I think I'm going to fall from one of his executive chairs. He is acting as the player now. And how i wanted to shout on his face,. THERE IS NOTHING TO THINK ABOUT! But since i still have to ask him t orelease my cash bond, I nod while saying okay.

Give Juan What Juan Owns

This does not mean that I renounced my favorite shade. I still loved and hailed the color green but sometimes change is good so i picked a new template. I longed to have my own unique template but I still don't know how to make one, maybe a year from now I could already make my own. Anyways, the Manager's Meeting is done. I only have the minutes to think about and my endorsement plans. And by any means I have to get out of here the soonest time possible. And I was given a little hope to get my "cash bond" back coz in the first place it was my money. Sigh! Ambot na lang jud aning among company oi! We have this very extraordinary policies and the compensation is extraodinarily poor and lousy. Even if the boss did not approve yet of my resignation, who was he anyway to prevent an employee from resigning? Was he going to hold me back? And I render my involuntary service to him? Hell no!

I was thankful for the insights from APP and even if I hated her a bit for her autism, still, she can be a very useful tool. At least now I understand clearly about this cash bond thing. And yeah, today, everybody knows that i am not in good mood.

ANd while listening to the meeting earlier today, I busied myself as well taking snaps on my pretty nails. Hahahaha

So what do you think? That's my Mama's work of art... Mama is the best when it comes to our nails. She had taken care of it and we are so glad that we have a nail doctor/beautician on-call always.

Tonight, she said she'd check my toe nails. Hehehehe and despite her growing age, her craftsmasnhip in creating the best quality polished nails has never deteriorated. And take note, her craftsmasnhip as what I gleefully termed it has been very helpful to us financially. And i believe that even if Mama is just a plain housewife, her very few clients which she arranged in schedules had stayed with her for years giving her as high as P1,000 per service. Yep. That's my Mama's rate. But for friends, she does it for a hundred box and P40-70 for my aunties.

How A Stupid Boss Acts

I went home earlier than I expected yesterday and wasn't able to say my piece to the boss because he went to the hospital for an Executive Panel Check-Up coz of his heart problems. Thus, I wasn't able to talk to him about my resignation. Sigh!

I was hoping that today I could talk to him and let him know that I am quitting and how I wish I could say on his face the words that I really wanted him to hear. Hahahaha but I was planning not to say much so as to avoid further questions.

My morning didn't start right. I saw Dennies Pig. And all I want to do is strangle him so that he could shut his filthy mouth! Oh, forgive me for my violence but I can't really help it. Dili nako ganahan saputon.

1. I hate cleaning after his mess. And he has no right to lecture me about organization coz in the first place his life is so disorganize.
2. He thinks he can do what he wants. Ad if he can't do it he let his people do it and forced them to produce result.
3. He thinks he owns your time. He does not know that you also have a life. He always think about himself. (Sa dihang pirmi ni siya late.)
4. Time-Out nako kay Time-In niya. For that, he should hire someone nga parehas niya!

I Am Resigning

Mali ang ginawa mo. Kahit kaya mong gawin ang isang bagay,hindi nangangahulugan na dapat mo itong gawin. - Doraemon to Nobita

I am sending my resignation letter today. Here it is:

February 17, 2007

MR. JONATHAN U. GESALEM
VP/Chief Operating Officer
The Queen City Food Chain Inc.

Dear Mr. Gesalem:

This letter serves as a formal notification that I am resigning my position as Executive Secretary with The Queen City Food Chain, Inc. effective March 24, 2007. I believe that the time I have set would be enough to find a suitable replacement.

I have made this decision in order to prepare for my studies this coming semester. Thank you very much for the experiences and the learning I have gained in working with you.

Very sincerely yours,



JACLYN CECILLE S. VELASCO



cc: Milton Uy, HRD
JUG File


And just writing it makes me me feel renewed...

Not Ready To Make Nice by Dixie Chicks

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell

Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should
I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it

I made my bed, and I sleep like a baby,
With no regrets and I don't mind saying,
It's a sad sad story
That a mother will teach her daughter
that she ought to hate a perfect stranger.
And how in the world
Can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Saying that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

I first heard this song during the Grammy Awards last week and I was wondering why they got three awards. They sound so country and my first impression was that they were like The Corrs. Little did I know that Dixie Chicks has a very interesting history. Their music died down for the past three years, no wonder I did not hear anything from them. Shut up and sing baby!

Yesterday,I had the perfect excuse to exercise my right to go home even if it was an hour late!

That Weirdness We Call Love

We are all a little weird

and life’s a little weird,

and when we find someone whose weirdness

is compatible with ours,

we join up with them

and fall in mutual weirdness

and call it love.

-author unknown

I am about to send Yotchie a personally-created card coz I do not have the luxury of buying one in the store (reason: tomorrow pa ang sweldo).

Weirdness, such a fanciful word to relate love. Sigh! I miss Yotchie so much.

Yotchie and I hadn't met since Saturday. And I miss him so much. We sometimes think that we are into a "long-distance relationship" everytime we talked over the phone, which I found a bit interesting as well pretending that it was true.

And last night, he called me up asking If I could attend his concert. I told him I can't. I wasn't really convince that he could play the guitar because for the last two years of beig with him, I never and ever heard him play. And most of all he does not sing.

His text mssg:

"im playing guitar now. Wud u like to hear? (smiley)" - 02.13.07, 10:01pm

"Bai? (smiley) ac2ualy i got a concert 2nyt at waterfront. I want u 2 b der (smiley) -02.13.07, 11:00pm

So i was really touched when he sang "Love Song (311)", "Stuck In A Moment (U2)" and "Back To Good (Matchbox)". As in! Mura jud recording.. hahahaha cguro if American Idol Jurors would hear it, they would have a different comment than mine but I heard it from a heart going through my heart. Char! Whew!

Bitaw, ikaw kuno beh kantahan sa tawo nga kahibalo ka dili gyud mukanata, dili bka ma-Touch? Hahahahaha Thanks Yotchie for the songs. Weird gyud tang duha! Happy Valentine's Day!

A NeoGreeting

Weeeh! Yotchie sent a NeoGreeting to me and was so touched coz of all the online greetings, he used Neopet. It was just so unexpected of him.

Heart Matters

I set two of my phone's alarm clock to 6:15am (in which I know that in my dreams ra gyud ni nga makamata ko at that time) , and I kept on postponing it. I feel like I still need a couple more hours of sleep but reality check, it's a busy Monday! A phone call from Yotchie kicked me up. "Padulong nako office", he announced and I shamefully replied, "I just woke up!"

Yawn! Waahhh! Trabaho na sad!

I wasn't able to watch Breakfast nor Blue's Clue coz I was scampering my way to take a bath, brush my teeth, pack my lunch and grab my earthly favorite shirt and pants to match (for a thousand times, I was reminded by my boss to wear something executive, but I can't really quite hear it -- hahahaha). The jeepney ride was fine and a bit interesting as well observing & listening to jeepney talks. There was this a bit old passenger talking to the driver about his commuting experiences in Manila compared to Cebu. The driver said that it could be better if Cebu adapt's the MRT system. Well, yes, I think it's far much better if we could have this stations for every city and municipality especially for those people in Danao who are working in Cebu and Lapu-lapu City (vice-versa).

And should we rejoice that we grabbed back the title for the most number of kissing couples from Hungary? Hmmm, so we are really that showy loving people, right? I asked Yotchie if we could join Lovapalooza if ever there is one in Cebu, but, he just give me a meaningful smile. So what was that suppose to mean Yotchie?

And still more about the hearts... If ever you have watched Rated K last night, all their topics were about the heart. The heart is the most hardworking organ in our body. "A man can't live without a heart". As long as the heart beats, there would always be life, there is hope and there is love. Thus, we are duty bound to care of it. Take note that the most common disease that causes fatality are heart-related problems, to wit: stroke, arterosclerosis, heart burn etc. As young as 13 year old, whether you are fat or not, our heart is at risk! And of course, we could not allow this traitor to steal way away our numbered lives.

Smokers (including occasional smokers) , fatty people, thosw who maintained an unhealty lifestyle (obviously) are prone to this risks. Thus, Yotchie, quit smoking nah! Protect your heart! Kusog baya ka mukaon pork! And to highlight, even if there is already that techology to examine the heart, "cathlab" and whatever you call that other technologies, it is so expensive!

Jash

I miss those days when I could still carry him in one arm and display him in public without having to run after him. But now, Jash has finally grown to a toddler. And yes, it’s very true that during this stage, you would really put yourself on their own shoe to understand that for them it was all just a game. Our baby is already very big. He speaks as if he’s already a grown up kid. And this means that we are already old.

a month before he turned 3 years old...

photo taken after he took his last bath for the day

Jash and his Honey. Guess who was really sleeping?


Yotchie and Jash in their brotherly talks.

Ang Hikot Nga Kapitalista

I was suffering a head-splitting headache yesterday and I believe that it was evident that the boss asked if I had a date the previous night. Little did he know that my headache was caused by him, the simple tasks that became strenuous, the lack of respect for time, his stupidity and the oh! so many reasons why the company should fire their COO. But he is one of the owners and they are a bunch of irresponsible capitalist, they do not care whether their people suffers or were they given enough motivation. As what he said, “The most important thing is the bottom line”.

Suffice it to say, all his proudly words in the conference room, melts like butter into our ears. And even if he says that I get to have an additional stipend (let’s just put it that way), I would never and ever barter my soul for it. With high hopes, I look forward for the end of the tunnel which Yotchie and I always discussed. That there would always be that light at the end of every darkness.

Today, we are asked to have our measurements taken for the office uniform. For the past two days, I was contemplating on whether I should avail it or not. Fifty percent will be shouldered by the company, the other half on our own expense. I’m three months away from getting out of here and I also though na of course dba, mas nice pud if I get to wear one so that dili nako maglabad cge huna-huna on what to wear everyday, and I’d look presentable as well. For uniformity’s sake, maybe I’ll have my 1,000 deducton a justice.

And yeah, was so happy last night, spending some time with Yotchie after a stressful day. And how I wish I could spend more time with my own personal life than being stuck in this casserole of lukot.

The Perfect Day

When you come to the end of a perfect day,
And you sit alone with your thoughts,
While the chimes ring out with a carol gay
For the joy that the day has brought,
Do you think what the end of a perfect day
Can mean to a tired heart,
When the sun goes down with a flaming ray,
And the dear friends have to part?
Well, this is the end of a perfect day,
Near the end of a journey, too;
But it leaves a thought that is big and strong,
With a wish that is kind and true.
For memory has painted this perfect day
With colours that never fade,
And we find, at the end of a perfect day,
The soul of a friend we've made.

- Carrie Jacobs Bond (1862 - 1946)

When could I say that I had a perfect day after work.... Just right now, when evverybody's going home while I am here in the office still stuck with my bullshitt boss.

This Total Quality They Are Talking About

After a tortured day of listening nothing but TQM, quality circles and how delivering quality this and quality that -- which I could barely grasp noting the fact that I just attended a “supposed to be seminar” about Total Quality Management, the day finally came to a temporary halt. Wosh! The dreaded KRA discussion which I loathed to answer because I do not understand isn’t yet done! And how am I going to answer such piece of paper if I don’t even understand what is it.

And I believe that no matter how long the discussion is about this oh so big damn word QUALITY is to have it started in ourselves. How could we make quality our lifestyle if reality check we could never afford that kind of quality the way other people perceived it to be.

Well, i guess we could all afford quality, for quality isn't just about branded wares and looking good, keeping organize and staying fit, it's much and much more deeper.