ever wonder what it feels to have a replica?

Laws Are There To Break

I rejoiced when I found out that the boss would be extending his stay in Manila until tomorrow... so i get to see his face this Saturday and a day-off and try to smile for another two days and then 5 days vacation for the holy week and araw ng kagitingan!!!

Manager's meeting went well... and as always Dennies the Pig showed his most respectful manners by dozing off...

Ambot! Makasapot man na siya oi. Maayo kaayo mamadlong if naay mag-tabi and siya pa gyud ang number one tabi-an. Bastos lang gyud siya by nature.

And the boss called up again reminding me of organizing his things. I'm so tempted to tell him to throw away all those things he have in his office in the bin and forget about it. They are useless anyway.

Samok!

Sigh! I wish that it's already May. I would really look forward to the day where i would endorse all these crap to that lucky someone. May she take my crown away... pwede karon nah?

And earlier this morning, around 3 am, i promised myself not to post anything here related to the guy-who-must-not-be-named. Promise. Promise to myself.

for all the pretty reasons in the world

I am anti-social but he said he wants to be with an anti-social me. So be it. At least I get to hear what the other ladies would talk outside their hive.

But before thinking of that dreadful, oh, well, i mean exciting saturday ahead, I still have to battle for tomorrow and the oh-so-boring friday. Spongebob is back!!! Alert and guard your loin.

And don't ever believe on anything that the turtle says. "Tawag ko nimog balik", means "just go home and don't try to contact me again." Well and good. I will. And gipakatawa ko nimo. Do you know that? Am i so rude? Well, before answering that, ask yourself first.

i'm invisible

For the third time, I had my mouse wire chewed again by whatever it is, a rodent or a squirrel, that I do not know. It's a sign. I know I had seen so many signs... blah... I don't want to ribon my tie, i felt like i'm a walking box with a red striped ribbon, and much worse, i felt like i was a kindergarten child clog in uniformed shoe and checkered dress.

Now I understand why i loved and enjoyed the freedom of un-uniformed life. I hate to conform with what other people think is right. I enjoyed my little purple bites of life. And how I wanted it back.

Sometimes I believed that I have an alter ego. Not the Jekyl and Hyde thing nor in Hero's (i meant the TV series, not Hero or whoever he is) psychotic mother. An alter with the best side of life. Pwede?

I am anti-social --I discovered last night. True, to mingle hells! YOu see, I just want to be alone or with a few people I really enjoyed with. I am afraid to meeet new people. I am afraid to get out because I used myself to short trips from our house to office then to his place and back home, then work and then with him... You see, I was so used with this routine that it seemed impossible to break it. I am not making any sense. I know. I know I am wrong. I admit. I am very wrong.

I have to choose. What do I really want to do?

Reimbursement Mode

I had breakfast with Jash and watched a spider talk, a tadpole explaining what he would look like when he grows up, a baby bear who said that he is not a baby bear but a grown-up baby bear. And Jash asked me, "Dako nako Mommy?"

Of course Jash. Big boy naman ka. And you are such a great wonder. It's as if you are much older than us.

I am also praying not to receive a call from the boss. Sakit sa dunggan. Kapoy paminawon. And since Buntz is making our payroll today, i discovered that wala daw ko maka-Log-out last March 20. I checked my organizer, i remembered that i logged out late that day. Maybe i was in a hurry that i just forgot to punch my card or was it another dtr that i inserted?

Today is the telephone operator's bday. Naa pa koy utang na milo niya. And i drowned my sorrow with coke to wash the oils from the giniling that i had for lunch. I wasn't wearing my uniform today. I'm in silent protest. Stupid cla! ANd yeah, Nard, obsess gyud cla sa ilang self. Screw you Og!

And the song for today: Fuck Her Gently (Tenacious D). Seeing the video is a must. I heard it in Marvin's playlist. Cge nah, sometimes, i wonder what's the cause of Marvin's skinny look. Oversex? Kidding. Peace. Bitaw, here's a clip for the video. Click here.

Got to finish JUG's reimbursements.

my own pursuit of happyness

It was comforting to see old friends whom i have shared classrooms with for the past four school years in college. and now that we could no longer be together in the classroom, we have just met twice this year. And next month, it's already a year ago since we prettily wore that sablay.

It was comforting for me to see them happy and if not, just like me, trying to be happy on what i am doing right now. Trying to fit in a tight space.

A little talk, a little hug, a little smile and a crisp laughter, this is how i celebrated my precious day-off.

We were finally able to watch French Kiss while waiting for the others to arrive. It was a Meg Ryan film on finding love out of infidelity. Maka-Relate ko.

Pursuit of Happyness was what we were waiting for to watch. And then The Devil Wears Prada, 203040, and i watched 1/4 of Borat.

Unfortunately, Jeza wasn't able to watch Will Smith in his running stunt's catching after his bone density scanner. The place where they could not spell happiness right is everywhere around me. Why could I not be happy? Why should I have to force myself to wake up in the morning, monday until saturday, to see my facelss boss, to try to become someone I could never be. Why should I be obliged to smile to people I don't like? Is it for everyone to be happy? Why should I have to hang on things that doesn't even exist? Is happiness really something that we have to prusue? Why does my mother call me Happy?

Well, at least I do not go to football games and pretend to have a car to sell something, I do not have a Melinda Presley boss who throws her bag and coat at my desk. But you know what I have? Another replica of them. My boss does not wear Prada. He has this goatie, a cracked voice, a strong perfume, 4 women, an expensive life that he cannot afford and a secretary who hated him.

Few more days. Please. Just get me through this month and I will be just fine. Happiness, where are you?

Help me move the days please.... move.. move... move... fast.. faster

oxford hats and academic gown

Today's my sister's graduation! Finally, she'd be wearing her academic gown... and as what she relates, Jash was as excited as her seeing his mama wore something he said as the witch's dress. Arriving late last night, I wasn't able to have my nails polished (my fault) for the occasion. Why? Because I attended Zeta Nicole's first Birthday, she is Eme's (my officemate) daughter.After an exhausting meeting yesterday, I was so glad that I get to at least escape from my routinary life of work-turtle-home-sleep-work.

Here are the photos:

Eme and her baby Nicole

Nicole and her visitors.

After that, I also enjoyed a great halo-halo time in chowking. Thank you Yotchie.

And back to my sister's graduation today... and I'd be taking an early off from the office today, probably this 11am (2 more hours to go) and then head off to buy flowers for her (for she really wished somebody would give her a bouquet). There were only 4 passes for the guest's seat and so that leaves my uncle seating somewhere away from us. Patrick is also attending. And right this very moment, streams of thoughts and more thoughts inside my brain in exhibitions are kept on coming.

Stop.

Happy Graduation Jenel! I always wished the best for you. Since we were conceived, we were always together. It was just in college that we separated ways and had gained different set of friends. We had become so unlikely as we grew up. And Jash came that made me changed a lot of my perspectives towards life and my future plans. You became a mother and I also become one. I learned what responsibility is. We may be having our separate careers, pursuing different goals, living different lives, meeting different people, having different interests, we may now look and act differently, but nothing has changed, we were still those tiny creatures in mama's womb trying to help each other to survive. And since it's only the two of us, i know for sure that whatver happens it's you whom I can always lean on, and likewise too.

As you wear that academic gown later this afternoon and that oxford hat you boasted at me (nasuya ko oi kay mura mog harry potter mode, you knew how happy I am, more than words.

it was just like before but then again it can never be the same...

creamy potato salad

As what I've written earlier, we went to attend Stephen's wedding at Talisay. It was so kind of SIr Carl to fetch us (even if we were uninvited)... All of my officemates (staff) went there, even the HRD (they finished there meeting earlier) went to witness Stephen's strangulation of glory.

Kidding! We went to to the (unexpected) reception just in time for the start of the eternal "walk" through the altar... We saw Stephen in pink polo (with his parents on his left and right side-- supporting him not to lose his balance).And ALmira & I were all smiles when we saw the preggy bride in rich red casual flirty dress. She looks so happy while ALmira & I were exchanging hungry looks. It was 12 noon.

The wedding went well except that the reception and the program and as well as the attendees were not really that attentive. It was more of a birthday party than a wedding. The reception was set in an orange building in the middle of Talisay City. We climb a narrow stair and head our way to the third floor and a few steps to the top we can already see the covered silver wares ad of course the lechon. Hmmm gutom najud!

Honestly. It wasn't the wedding that I hoped for to witness. Gubot and samok plus kusog pa gyud kaayo hangin. As in! All the ballons and those wearing skirts were tossed here and there.. and the hairstyles were all ruined. At least Almira & I had our hair tied... the sound system was, well, a videoke machine (hulog-hulog singko bah!) and wahat's so funny kay at the end of every song kay siyempre dba mugawas man na ang score with matching sound... as in!!!

Pero swear... lami kaayo ang food.. especially the potato salad.

Here are some of the photos...

Almira and Me with Sir Winson & Joey. See our background, on-going ang ceremony ha niya cge tabi mga tawo and kami pud kay cge lang tawa-tawa. Weeehhhh.

When the host said na time for the groom's freinds to pose, no second thoughts, klaro kaayo mga nawong, weheheheh mga GATECRASHERS. Bogz! Sorry Steph! Wla man mi nimo gi-invite gud...

Remember, 4 months na preggy ang wife. This is ordinary na lang.

Ready nah!!! Cge go!! Wla mi kasabot sa instruction basta daw we have to catch a rose.

Oi! Kinsa kaha next bride. But noh, naay laing moda ang pagCatch sa traditional "flowers". Suppose to be, isa ra makakuha, dba? But then the bride tossed three red roses for the six of us who were courageous enough to stay single. First round ni siya, i was so decided to really catch one rose... but lahi man ang instruction, if kinsa to wla kakuha sa flower kay mao ang muPlay for the next level. Game nah!

And yeah... si Beth and "lucky" daw to get a check-to-check pat... Muwahhh SUmbong ka sa imong uyab! Weeehhhhhh

Sir Carl serenading us? The pink polo was just a coincident. He did not mean to look like the groom.

Busog nah! Excited na mupauli... Hehehehe office hours pa baya intawn.

showers to welcome a marriage

Rain showers on an early morning... Well, good morning!

I received my office uniform yesterday and was obligedto take it even if my stay here in the office is two months away only... the uniforms were nice, striped red and white & the third blouse is orangey.. Still about yesterday, my HSBC application has been approved! Welcome to the world of debts!!!

And today, an officemate is getting married. Maybe we would be going there later this morning... Sigh! I wanna get married too! (LOL)

Tonight, we will be supporting Chai's Band Launching. PLAYLIST SHUFFLED at The Outpost is in its second night. So excited and a bit torn as well. I really wanna go to Manunggal. I have been thinking of it since last year. But then again, maybe, now is just not the right time.

I wanted him to go out alone. Without me. Maybe he could think of himself and himself alone.

drop those tiles

After connecting all the dots of unfortunate events, it dawned on me that I was just making a complete fool of myself.

I was just seeing a one-way mirror. I was only seeing myself and feeling what I wanted to feel. And then there is this song… “Little by little everywhere, little by little anywhere. ____ is watching me.”

Accepting it little by little. Just little by little everyday. Perhaps I was seeing so much red the first week, then so much darkness the next week… and little by little I saw green, pink, purple and cream. I saw that there are a much and more hues in this earth that I can ever imagine.

I was in deep thoughts. I belittled myself… and more than just shame, I felt so lowly. But then again, it was just me who was thinking about it. And now, I wouldn’t let any drastic action to happen again. I wanna start anew.

I pulled my own puzzle. I had my questions answered. It was a sweet discovery. A feeling of triumph. As if winning from boards one to four in a scrabble competition. I had all my tiles spread and now I saw the tiles across… each tile dropped was a letter of discovery. I knew my opponent now. I can read each move. Each words, I anticipated. I just have to minimize our spreads.

I could not just bask comfortably now. I have to fix myself. There has been so much lies and i wasn't even aware of it...

Less pain now… As they say, the brain’s on top of the heart.

itanim sa senado

‘Tol must have been thinking of his campaign strategies making himself looked like a useful “Tool” to the public. Unlike his senatorial candidate endorsers, “Tol settled for a Manny-Pacquiao-V2.0 (who is good in acting-singing and 0% in boxing) and a Kilabot-Ng-Senado-Escort-PBB-Celebrity-Winner (whom we all remembered as Rustom’s confidante who pee in Big Brother’s garden) to boost his handsome image. Name retention wise, we can remember Mike because of Miriam Defensor-Santiago but then again, who is he?

Earlier this morning, on my way to the office, I took a good look at one of VECO’s post where “Tol’s face was plastered. The first thing that came out of my mind was nothing new… “Our carnival politicians are back in action wooing the public with their ancient antics.”

May is my month. It’s not my birthday. And it is not because it’s the election month but it’s the month that I’d end my contract. Aside from the orange and purple marks on my calendar counting down the days to the glorious month of May, I was also making a silent list of my senatorial bets.

'Tol definitely is out of my list. No second thoughts.

We are to replace twelve senators, right? But what if I only have seven in my mind (names I still didn’t know as of press time)?

Ok. Let me remember their names (but this does not mean that they are my bets, it is just for the purpose of recalling those who are jogging for the position: 1) Sonia Roco 2) Ralph Recto 3) Kiko Pangilinan 4) Prospero Pichay 5) Ed Angara 6) Cesar Montano [a joke] 7) Richard Gomez [this a bad joke]

That’s it. Those are the names that I can remember… oh, wait... yeah I remember Manny Villar (S.T. –sipag at tiyaga, diyan tayo aasinso-- now it's Super Twins), and is that Oakwood Mutiny Leader running too? I thought he was in jail. Trillanes. Now, I remember.

I wonder what kind of politicians would be jogging when my great grandchildren were born? Hmmm… Fangs and Wings for easy campaigning in our country’s archipelagic doctrine? Evolution of their species. I wonder if there would still be pork barrels for the congressmen and women. Why not beef? Would Nerissa-Soon-Ruiz be running in our district? Is it gonna be an Ouano-Ouano battle in Mandaue City? With the help of Nature Spring maybe the watch-model could win. Well, whoever wins, I sure do hope my father would still be working in the city government (as long as Ouano wins).

Are the lamp posts gonna be pegged at Php 1.00 in the year 3007’s ASEAN SUMMIT?

Well, the future of our country (if we still have one) depends on our pen. Not on their pens.

And I think I should be reserving my tears.

As for my broken heart err.. heart? Well,time could only tell. Basin maBurn-out ra kadugayan... May the kind witches who witnessed my wrath may also be kind enough to sprinkle those cloudy dusts unto me for a peace of mind.

Taning. Alay. Prom. BurnOut.

I missed Imago ang Sugarfree...

out of gossips

Oh-me-God! Cge naa na koy crush! Anyways, i think i deserve to be happy, right? Despite mourning and carrying this burnt nerves. I was curious about James Marsden. And yeah, he is Cyclops (X-men). The obsessed Brunette-Jean-Grey-Fanatic (sorry twin sister, in know how much you loved this brain-reader). Cge gohhh! He also starred in The Notebook, XMen 3, SUperman Returns, The Hairspray and Sugar & Spice.

He starred in Gossip, which i was able to watch two days ago only. It was a bit arousing seeing him holding back, and yeah... my favorite scene in there was when they drag their other friend to the bed (too drunk) and the lead lady character Jones showed concern over their freind's shoe. They have this conversation about casual sex. They tried to kiss but Jones said, "See, I have no feelings."

See that georgeous smile?

Cyclops in X-Men3. I was kinda sad for he didn't really showed enough action.

A scene in The Notebook.

hit and miss

Tardiness. What would you associate with a tardy being? No sense of direction. No plans. Disorganize. What else? Case to case basis, so we could not judge right away, am thinking what you are thinking?

Have you seen the movie Gossip? What was the ending? I turned off the TV coz I was so affected by the story... i turned it on again hoping i could see the end (hoping it's a happy ending) but all I see were the credits. I missed the ending.

Do you also get yourself affected by what you've watched?

They said that 300 is nice to watch. My officemate was asking If we could watch it together since it's also his birthday... after a few thoughts because he need s an answer right away (para daw naa siya laing maInvite in case dili ko mukuyog), I said yes. So I have a date this sunday at 6pm. Cge go. Birthday man daw niya.

I get to hug a classmate and a friend in college last saturday. It was a long time ago. I stayed away from her and them on our last year in college. What could she be thinking?

Lonely sunday. I texted him the whole day. Wala'y kwenta. He kept stabbing me...

fix you

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

(lyrics from coldplay)

And may someone fix me...

Life Goes On

There were tears again last night. Then I woke up at 3am today feeling so empty. I was wide awake for an hour.Then there were memories again. I wanted to talk to him. Let him know what happened for the day. I missed talking with him. Seeing him listening to me. I hated him.

A few minutes after I arrived in the office, I received a txt mssg from Sir Edwin:

Life is short. Grudges spoil happiness. Laugh when you can. Apologize when you should. Let go of what you cant change. Love deeply. Forgive quickly. Take chances. Have no regrets. Take the good with bad. Smile when you are sad. Love what you have. Learn from mistakes. People change and things go wrong. But always remember, life goes on. (smiley) - ECG 03.09.07 7:52am

That's just it.

------------------------------

I wanted to watch a movie today, but then again, I just don't wanna be alone. I'm hoping that I could be at least happy now... start from scratch.

I hope I could believe in what I've written. On what I've spoken. I just hope I could get through this depression. Everything's so different inside. Empty. And it gives me headache. I should not lose my appetite. I have to eat on time. But then again, pwede maAmnesia na lang?

Facing the PC the wholde day and hoping that there would be no one to interrupt my silent prayers, I kept myself busy. Jenel gave me a pretty notepad last night and all I can do was to smile because I couldn't use it. There is no one to write letters for. I felt so disabled.

Ok. I have to stop this. I have to put an end to those stupid memories. It won't do me any good. Life must go on. Blog life. Skype contacts that were kept on coming from Korea, China and Batangas. F8's YM online alert that catches my 50/75 vision allowing me to take some seconds off from the minutes that I busied with. And of course Almira's plans in going to Dubai and now Gio's plan on migrating to New Zealand with her. Sigh! I wish her luck. And oh! this morning, that new sales and marketing guy of ECONOGAS shook the innocence of the not-so-techie minds of my officemates when he showed this shokoy photos that were allegedly been caught in Talisay City, Cebu. Yep! Cebu daw! And he reminded us to wash all newly brought undergarments to avoid worms seeking shelter in our boobs. He must still have his 10pm hang-over with the boss last night. And yeah, Gabz saw me cry. But he seems unAffected. I thought it's his weakness to see women cry. Back to Almira, she received an invitation from SM. I suggested that she take the invitation. It's just an assessment anyway.

Go neopets. I missed them. Bukikoy, Pooffypoo and i-forgot-the-name-of that-meerca has been left in the Neolodge for 25 days. I haven't checked them yet. Sigh!

Forget him. Forget him. Forget him. He forgot you already.

That Grade One Question

I was done reading Bob Ong's first book, ABNKKBSBPLAko, and was so inspired and excited to keep my plans rolling. Unlike my sister whose ambition since grade 1 is to become a teacher, and she was very consistent, I did the opposite way. I did not have any ambition except when you are obliged to reply to a famous question in grade one (Filipino subject) like, "Ano ang gusto mo maging paglaki mo?" And then some would say, "A doctor. Engineer. Teacher. Etc." Since all of my classmates answered pretty golden jobs, I would say, "I wanna become a lawyer."

The teacher says, "You are gonna become a great lawyer someday. " Amen.

But during those times, that was the only profession I knew because it is something not commonly said. And I can't think of anything to say at seven years old.

Decision time. When i was on my final year in high school, choosing a college to enroll has been the greatest battle I have to face. What career to chose is the most confusing thing to decide. My future depends on my real answers to that grade one question.

My pen wrote BS Marine Biology in my DOST scholarship application. It was a beautiful choice way back that time becaue I was so inspired to get revenge over my Biology teacher who told me that I was a cheater. And to show to her that I love Biology and cheating is, well, not something one should do with a subject you loved. Hah! (What a poor way to seek revenge). But I didn't pass. Good for me. And revenge doesn't do you any good. I can't become a Marine Biologist because I can't swim. How could I possibly investigate those creatures down that murky water? Smile.

I tried to listen to what my heart dictates me. I did not dream of becoming involved in the media, do beats, reporting and getting paid for articles I made. And maybe because I was exposed to journalism way back in my earlier years in grade school and was so involved with our school publication in high school (news editor for four years) that I just did what I felt was the right thing to do. When I heard the news that I passed UPCAT, instead of Biology and Psychology which I wrote on my UPCAT application, I changed it to Mass Comm. I changed it when I was about to submit my final requirements at the College Secretary's Office.

Anyways, I decided to take up Mass Communications for its the closest thing that I could be happy with. My college years was fun and very exciting. It is as if I wasn't studying at all. Every exam even how difficult it was for my poor brain was as exciting as having ice cream on a very hot summer. I failed a subject only once and it was really quite disappointing. It was of course, the almighty Math 1. Toink! Yes, I dropped dead when I saw that my student number's corresponding grade was red. A big mark of 5. But it was fun. I retaked math 1 on my final semester in college. No fuss. I finished and wore my sablay proudly as I marched down familiar grounds.

But then again, there was that something missing. And I found out that we share the same passion with my sister, and that's teaching. That's why, I am sending myself to school again. Take those requirements to get a teacher's license and after that... become a lawyer since my mother is so convinced that I can become one. Heh! I guess there was really some touch of truth on that grade one question. A lawyer perhaps but teaching as my proffession. Hmmm can't wait to face my first batch of students!

Mga Kwentong Chalk. This book narrates a very colorful, a bit bitter, and a bit un-inspired school life of a very delightful character who was the author itself. I instantly fell in love with Bob Ong (and wonder what he looks like). Swear! Ma-inspire gyud ka to become a teacher. I am finishing few of the last pages of Stainless Longanisa and hopefully, I could read three more of his books. And I thank Lucille for letting me read it. I have seen his books in the book store but did not bother to pick it up. Thank you so much Cille.

And after dreadful posts of my bitterness, it is time to shake off some dusts. I am going through a long process. And it takes time. It takes time. Take a single step each day. I love myself.

The Moon Tickled My Soul

I kept on telling him how beautiful the moon was last night. I have always told him about it ever since the first time we met and when we started talking about ourselves. I once told him he owns half the sky. I do not know i f he believed in me, but after that, beautiful things just happened. And last night, the moon tickled my soul again, and I told him about it. I wonder if he was tickled too. And after last night, for sure beautiful things are about to happen again.

Have you ever had a day where you have felt all the emotions you couldn't have showned to anyone? A day where you felt loved, cared, and then suddenly you felt so alone, abandoned, hurt, tears that you didn't expected, and then you felt renewed again, inspired, so hyper-active, cheerful and hopeful... --this all happens in one day! And this all i know to cope with my loss.

Nothing would happen if i kept on hanging on for nothing except for pain, pain, pain and more pain... Why should I keep myself in pain? I have to think ahead. I shouldn't let anyone draw a check-mate. He was right. I have a big life ahead of me. I would be the most obtuse person living on planet earth if I would drown myself to tears. He has his life and all I can do is to pray for his sucess, for him to find what he is looking for and to let him know how lucky he was.

To him: I give thanks to my God each time I remember you, and when I pray for you, I pray with joy (Phil. 1:3). When you see the moon in it's most serene state, in its most beautiful phase, may you remember me.

Those Familiar Grounds

I arrived so early to day here in the office! I still have a lot of things to do today before the boss arrives. Now I am sure what to do unlike before where I could not think right.

I am going out alone tonight. And I am so excited. Today is the start that I am going out alone. Walk alone. Eat alone. Expect no one. No text messages. No cares. No calls.

I am so glad I was able to hang out with Bernie, Jeza and Alex. And how I miss UP sa much. The campus still looks the same except for the students walking in the catwalk as I passed by. My heart tightened a bit, for what reason I do not know.

Bernie is still with the same bhouse. The same bhouse where our friendship grew. Where laughters and tears began. Ideas flourished and misunderstandings occured.

I am so happy to see Jeza and ALex together. It reminds me of us. bUT THEN AGAIN, I should drop that hope I am holding on. I can manage. They say that one of this days, I can be alright. I can be myself again. I dropped by last night, borrowed some of his stuffs. And as much as I wanted to hug him, I refrained myself. We are just friends on which level I stll don't know. There are times when I feel hate and then love and back to hate. I'm not sosure what to do now but for sure this would pass. I can make myself whole again. Normal ra daw ko na tawo ingo si Jeza, and I trust her words.

Can't contain myself to see those city lights tonight.

If I Could Be An Alchemist

Pain. Perhaps I was good in telling myself what to do, how to act and how to hide it, but there are really those times wherein I could not take control of myself.

I gave him a green box last night. He understands why I should personally fill that box with those letters and stuffs I gave him. I wanted to my goodbyes to be organized. I want to know that it’s secured where I left it. I have another green box for me. It was for the few precious things he was able to give me.

How many days have passed? Was it really days? Or was it just hours ago? A minute? Seconds? I lost track of time.

I am affected. There is no use lying to myself. I am so affected. I could not process the tasks given to me. I could not clearly understand what the other line has been telling me. Their words just passed and sank with my thoughts. I am drowning. And no one’s gonna save me but myself. But how?

What would the boss say when he comes back. I have done nothing. I didn’t touch any of the folders. I just don't really know what to do. I don't know how to start. I don't know where to start.

Jeza called up. I was so glad she did call me. Just hearing her mention my name, I could no longer hold back my tears. Thank you so much Jez. Without uttering any other words, I know what you wanted to tell me.

I missed a lot of things.

If i could perform transmutation, what would I create out of him? What could I possibly do if I were an alchemist? I could perhaps investigate his nature. Transmutate his heart? And what do I get? What would I give up and what would I gain?

Im so hurt. Just staring and hammering thougts. It's already 2pm in my PC's clock. Haven't done anything. I want to sleep. Or just get out early.

Hmmm yes, i'd get out early today... walk, walk and walk...